Chapter One - Honduras

Today I arrived in Honduras. The past year has been such a whirlwind, but the past month has made that whirlwind look like a gentle summer breeze. Thus, as the story on how my trip to Honduras came about has ill been told, I tell it now. It seems a fitting first post to this blog.

I've been struck most by how God has brought me through this year, and how he has weaved so many components together to bring me to where I am today. It has been an incredibly frustrating year for me. I've been chomping at the bit for months. Impatient and frustrated. I did not utilize my time well. I did not even come close to making the most of every opportunity. I did not fight with purpose. My attitude in 2016 could well be likened to a leashed dog sicced in a room on a herd of cats. Lots of scrambling and yowling and frustration but no one really doing anything except burning a lot of energy, leaving everyone as tired and frustrated as before.

Not entirely knowing what I was doing at the time I drowned my frustrations in busyness, filling my calendar to the brim and then some. Self control was glaringly absent, culminating in my worst academic semester ever, dark circles under my eyes most mornings, and almost every other aspect of my life strained to the core.

There was indeed a discontent, but there was also something far deeper than that. A stirring, restlessness. Somehow a knowing that this is not where I'm supposed to be. I didn't know what that meant exactly. What part of my life needed to change? My location, lifestyle, school, job? God, what do you want from me?

God has been wresting things from me over the past year. I began a Bible Study for young adults in fall '15, but was forced to give it up only 6 months later.

After a year of wrestling with the decision, I finally and reluctantly relinquished running the Clothes Closet, a small, used clothing exchange I managed for years.

Despite being reasonably academically gifted, what little passion I had for college vanished. While still passionate about furthering my education, my begrudged interest in the classroom scenario shifted to an outright and passionate distaste border-lining hatred, making online college classes ever more appealing.

As my responsibilities and goals were removed, my frustrations directly increased. Gradually however, I was reminded of the vision I'd had several years ago to teach abroad. How? Barring the little I'd gained in assisting homeschooling my younger siblings for several years, I lack experience, credibility and patience.

I was initially drawn to teach at a Christian school in Africa, but the doors closed on that just as I was starting to actively pursue it.

On November 4th my friend Dalton Schnoor excitedly shared his opportunity to go teach at Cornerstone Christian Academy. I rejoiced with him, and expressed my envy. THIS is just what I'd been wanting to do with my friend in Africa.

Dalton suggested they could use me if I was really interested. I inquired more of him and Bob Coder, who established Cornerstone. Remarkably, the curriculum they use is the exact same curriculum I and my siblings used for several years. Thus I have firsthand experience as both student and teacher of said curriculum.

Despite all these (and more) positive indicators, I wasn't without doubts and obstacles. Trivially, I have always had zero interest in Central America. As a lover of winter & mountains, I have no desire for a land full of heat, humidity, and a population in which I'd stand at least a head taller than most.

Less trivially, my friend circles have both expanded and deepened over the last year. As an introvert who found it difficult to connect through my teen years, it wasn't til I reached my 20s that I began expanding my small circle of close friends, and only in the last year have a been able to connect and re-connect at a far deeper level than I've ever experienced in my life. To leave & disconnect just as I am beginning to find my footing?! Why oh why!

My financial situation was no small factor. Having just depleted my savings buying a car & suffering several foreseen and unforeseen expenses & losses in late summer/early fall, my bank account was deplorably low. While I typically prioritize replenishing my savings/emergency fund as soon as possible, I neglected to do so over the fall.

After a few weeks of praying and thinking and talking with my family, I was almost totally on board. By November 29th, I acquiesced. Lord, if you provide the money, then I will go. I struggle with asking for help in general, so asking for money was rather difficult. Struggling with whether I should fund raise, I decided to begin by asking my associate pastor if the church would be willing to support me. I knew they would help me with some of my needs. "How much do you need?" He asked. I told him the total and he brought it to the leadership.

I received the email on a Wednesday morning between classes. The leadership had not only discussed and agreed to support me but went above and beyond what I'd asked for. Lord, I take that as a resounding yes!

This is not the end of this chapter. Cornerstone Christian Academy is in a village 20 minutes outside San Pedro Sula, a metropolis rife with drug cartels. Known as the Murder Capital of the World, it is has the highest rate of homicide of any non-war zone city in the world. My mother was, understandably, quite nervous for me.

"Father, I know that this is what you want me to do. I know that Mom is not on board with this. I also know there is nothing I can do about it. I am putting this into your hand God. Please do something to alleviate her fears because barring disobeying you there is nothing I can say or do to help her."

Mom was also praying. Praying that God would either keep me here or help her let me go. Two days later I received a phone call from her as I was getting off work. She was talking rather excitedly (and consequently mildly incoherently).

"Alexis, so you remember that guy from my church I told you about who is a missionary to somewhere in Central America? Well turns out he's actually in Honduras!"

"Mom! Slow down, tell me his name."

"Well his name is Justin Wiseman and I think he is in San Pedro so I think he's teaching at a school pretty close to you..."

"No Mom, you don't understand! He's not at a school close to me, he's teaching at THE SAME school as me."

"Are you serious?!"

Yes. Dead serious.

What are the odds that, of all the thousands of churches in the United States, the church that my Mom attended in a small town in semi-rural Tennessee supported and sent to the same school I was teaching at. What are the odds.

It is even beyond these largest and among a plethora of smaller stories that I can testify that God loves me and that he has not only shown himself faithful to me, but he has showered his grace upon me. Despite my hidden fear and trembling, despite my lack of trust, despite my pride... I shake my head. I asked for a little. I asked if he could just help me make it through and he has shown me that he doesn't want to help me make it through. He wants me to  t h r i v e.

Pray for me as I strive to thrive under Him. Thrive in His grace. Thrive in prayer. Thrive in service.

Lord, I love you. Help me to love you.